So I’m not really sure if anyone will ever read this but I’m not sure that it matters. I don’t want to live my life for other people. I don’t want to do things with conditions. I just want to do and live in everything else that comes after. I have kind of been a control freak my whole life. I control things. It’s what I do. and when I can’t well, I used to freak out. But not anymore, I just kind of do shit now but of course I still have tendencies that aren’t my favorite. But unlearning things is hard and we need to give some of that slack we give to everyone else to ourselves, we fuck up too.
So i’m just gonna write stuff here. And maybe someone will read it and maybe no one will. But that’s not the point of writing, or anything really. The things you do should be done simply because you want to do them. Not for any external reasons. Maybe someone who is mean will screenshot this and make fun of me, but I’m not sure that I care. I used to be afraid of writing ANYTHING, ANYWHERE because I thought someone would find it and trace it back to me and make fun of me. And then everyone would know who I was and what I thought and I couldn’t live behind a smile and jokes. I was even afraid of leaving it to the wind. But the more I wrote, the more comfortable I became with my words. With me. This is my life. My words. and people who make fun of other people for being who they are, are usually inherently mean and unhappy people. They envy the ability to live freely and fully and must find ways to tear you down. fuck em.
This is my life, well what I choose to write of it at least. Welcome.