still (about 2 years old)

how do you let go of the only thing you’ve ever wanted to hold onto

I keep you with me, tightly in the palm of my hand

and on the nights I miss you

I clench my fists so tight it feels like someones stabbing my palm

I have to let go

but everytime I open my hand

you come to me

and you close my fist back up again

and i lie still

as you run your fingers up and down my spine

and you kiss my face lightly

and I close my eyes as I let you take me

and when the sun rises and i’m alone

I clench my fist

clinging to your memory

I clench to your memory tighter and tighter

but what doΒ I do when my palm starts to bleed? the tighter I clench the bloodier my palm gets and

i lie still

inΒ a puddle of my blood and my tears

and I close my eyes

and I unclench my fingers and start to open my hand

but this time, you don’t close it

my blood scares you

my tears scare you

andΒ i lie still

as I open my hand

and I let go

and my tears run and my blood bleeds through

but my soul does something else

my soul

begins to fly

andΒ i lie still

as my soul flies and my body drowns in my blood and my tears and my hand sits, unclenched

and i rise

and i look down at myself

and i smile as i see my unclenched fist

and i gasp

as my soul flies back to me

and i rise

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