does it matter?

am i accepted by you?

does it matter?

am i getting fatter?

DOES IT MATTER?

stuck between being myself and being enough.

feels like everythings a bluff, never sure of anything.my mind gets in the way a lot. i don’t know if this happens to other people or just me? i have so many thoughts and some of them are so mean and just the worst shit ever. it’s annoying to never know what i’m really thinking with all this extra shit up here. 

i don’t want to care about what you think of me or the way i behave or the way i just be. i’m on a path of relinquishing. doom said it would take a few months. every now and then i relapse and succumb. the place of succumbing is somewhere my mind would like to stay. it’s so familiar to me, like a bright sunny day. but i force myself out and when i do this it feels like i’m at odds with myself. with who i used to be and who i want to become, the old me cries out for help. she wants to be saved but she can no longer be helped. her time has come to an end. can’t save me from myself.

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