i love the smell of fire, burning against wood. the remnants floating into the air, into my hair. i reek of firewood. i stare at the fire as the flames dance in the wind. curving and flowing, flying and rolling. it reminds me of the way the flames dance around my curtains. flowing in and out of the stitching. i watch as the people dance around the fire. their spirits making an effort to come to the surface and dance amongst the fire and the drums. the drugs enhancing this, of course. i follow the rhythym, spontaneously creating ripples of patterns from my mind and throwing them into the mix ever so subtly. so as not to be heard but felt. however exciting, my spirit wasn’t fully enticed by this. there seemed too much fiction amongst the portrayed. i could not reach the destination which they conveyed. it was beautiful and free but it just wasn’t for me. my soul longed for more something deeper and blue, something fast and enticing with a rose colored hue. fire found me again in a magical friend. he brought me the healing through the fire as it burned at my cielings.. my walls and my doors. they all fell down, exposed my everlasting frown. for a while i felt very alone, searching for a temporary home. i roamed the streets looking for shelter, every now and then my heart did swelter. it ebbed and it flowed but mostly it glowed, bright like the sun and bold like my lips this time period was to me, as blinding as an eclipse. i really came to see myself as is but there was so much missing i started to wonder if this was the first time id seen. i couldn’t remember what it was like to feel, i had reached the core of what it truly meant to heal. solitude waved in and out of lonliness, that shit felt bottomless. but i’ve reached some sort of ending, a conclusion of sorts. that the only things i can truly control are my mind andΒ  my body, the rest is just the flow. i am in a kayak, one with the current and suddenly i am in a kayak fighting to up stream and suddenly i am in a kayak, creating my own path. coming to my own conclusions. abandoning old ways of thinking and doing what’s best for me. walking alongisde the highway, as the cars passing lullaby me into the field beyond right and wrong, where you await me, humming your song.

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